Great Cracks
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Well, technically its called pastry week, but we all know what that really means pies, glorious pies. Five bakers down, seven to go, and after a month of sickly sweet treats Im ready for savoury. Bring on the meats, the cheeses, the reduced loganberries courtesy of Steven, of course and bring on Paul looking like a kid in a sweet well, pie shop as hes finally allowed to get his teak coloured chops around some proper MAN food. My favourite thing about pastry week is undoubtedly heating up a shop bought pie in the oven for 1. Theres just something so comforting about the fact that I dont have to do it. This weeks signature consists of baking four short crust pies with a savoury filling and different yet linked decorations, ranging from the straightforward Sophies four seasons pies to the downright weird Kates portraits of inspirational historical figures, including John Lennon and Einstein spoiler, they dont turn out great. It is quite a challenge you have to come up with all this decoration, and then on top of that, youve got to have good pastry, says Steven, pretending hes just like all the other bakers when we know hes a demi god who will probably produce some kind of miracle pie that doubles up as a piece of modern art and a life saving defibrillator. Noel quickly dubs Yans creations, inspired by science, Nerd pies which is quite apt considering shes using binary code as decoration. Ah says Paul, in a way that suggests he is not completely looking forward to getting a gobful of geekery. The theme extends beyond the decorations, as Yan also reveals she is using quite a complex looking equation to make the perfect pie. Hey, its science. Dont question it. Julia is the only one putting her fillings in raw rather than cooking them off first which helps reduce the chances of a soggy bottom but thankfully the judges are distracted from her potential faux pas by Noels patter. As she describes her theme of things found in trees admittedly, pretty loose, the humour inches towards Fieldings Luxury Comedy days as he asks why she hasnt included a monkey, a sloth or, indeed, Fielding himself, as he lives in a hollowed out tree. Im gonna get out of here, its getting really weird, Paul says, putting into words what were all thinking. Kau-4-700x467.jpg' alt='Great Cracks' title='Great Cracks' />On the one hand, I like that Fielding is clearly relaxing into the presenting role and feels more comfortable being himself. Wow 1 12 1 Repackaging. On the other, I wish he would just limit himself to near the knuckle sexual innuendoes in the well established Bake Off tradition. Altova. It should basically be a Carry On film, but with cake. Back to the pies, and in the end its a game of two halves when it comes to judging Liams football themed incarnations are a bit of a triumph, Sophies earn her a Prue Pat the poor mans Hollywood Handshake and Staceys are declared a proper Northern pie by Paul. Reminds me of my nan, he adds, which prompts an unbearably smug expression as she looks gleefully around the tent to check everyones listening. Its not a good week for Julia Channel 4On the other end of the spectrum, Kates are deemed boring, Julias overbaked and Yans a mess turns out science cant predict pie perfection after all. Usually top of the class Steven causes me to question everything I thought I knew about Bake Off by landing in the middle his pies taste good, not incredible. The technical challenge sorts the wheat from the chaff though, with a pastel de nata bake that makes me seriously consider making a late night run to a 2. Is there anything nicer than a Portuguese tart Normally, the answer is a resounding no. In a technical challenge with paltry instructions, however, the answer is, Urrr maybe Probably Oh yes, definitely. Things can go wrong from the very beginning, according to Paul. Theyve got to understand the philosophy of how a rough puff pastry actually works. Philosophy In baking Blimey. Its amazing the tension that can be created by seven people in a tent putting butter shavings onto pastry and diligently folding it. Liams never made a custard, Kates never made rough puff pastry and Julias never been to Portugal, so its a day of firsts for everyone. The anxiety levels, however, are dampened by a return to the food history segment a lovely piece of nonsense I used to enjoy in the BBC days as it provided an opportunity to grab a drink, use the facilities or generally catch up with housematespartnershangers on. Now I find it a touch unnecessary, what with the relentless and long winded ad breaks served up by Channel 4 at every turn. Thankfully its not long before were back with the bakers, with Liam showing his age its young by proclaiming his tarts are bear puffy. Time runs out and the tarts are presented a motley bunch of the anaemic, the burnt and the just plain ugly that I hope never to run into down a dark alley. Only Yan has combined the signature swirl that is proof of good pastry lamination with a creamy, light custard a feat that earns her the top spot. Meanwhile former Star Baker Julia is down in seventh position, with a pastry thats more short crust than rough puff. For the Showstopper, a hand raised pie with a hot water crust pastry is the order of the day, big enough to feed a family and baked for four hours. Four hours. I dont think Ive ever spent that long in a kitchen, and thank goodness. Liam so young Pauls signature you have already disappointed me more than I can say stares. Young so young Liam opts to do it the traditional way at the last minute, despite having never tried it before. But it turns out Yan and Julia are also using the method so despised by Mr Hollywood, and they are not quite so young and adaptable both stick to their guns. Oh the stress of pie weekThere are thermometers popping into pies, leaky cracks in pastry bottoms and Stacey looking as if shes discovered another circle of hell entitled, The place where everything goes wrong with your pie and you fail to win Star Baker for the sixth week running and its NOT FAIR. Come judging time, Kate finally claws her way back from a disappointing weekend with a turmeric and potato curry pie that Paul loves her gratitude is palpable. Meanwhile Staceys worst fears are realised with Prues catty observation that her Indian pie with mango certainly looks home made. Ouch. Worse still, in what could be one of the worst mistakes all season, theres still a piece of baking parchment in the bottom of the pie. Baking boffin Steven has created something that looks like it could be the cover star of the M S Food Christmas catalogue but is pronounced a bit bland in flavour seriously, WHAT IS GOING ON Yan edges closer to star baker with a chequerboard patterned sausage meat pie that tastes wonderful, while Julia falls even lower, with overcooked fillings and undercooked pastry. But its young Liam who steals the show with his, in Pauls words, spectacular goat pie. This feat earns him Star Baker and his nan a potential date with Paul Hollywood. Sadly, the lovely Julias disappointing performance in all three challenges means she is the sixth contestant to vacate the tent, leaving Stacey to fight another day. Phew, after all this tension, only another Portuguese tart can calm my nerves.